Vintage Horticultural and Garden Machinery Club

Whatever you are collecting the machine may be out there!

We are possibly all guilty of wasting time looking through classified adverts in the tractor or vintage magazines or browsing online auctions, this is usually done under the guise of ‘research purposes’ even if we sometimes just accidentally end up purchasing the item. The purchase can then be further justified as saving another piece of history and the item joins the ever expanding collection without any sin being committed.

These are my personal thoughts on collecting all things horticultural. Easy and from the comfort of one’s own home, one of the best places to find things is online. But I find online auctions can sometimes be a complete muddle of contradictory statements. For instance a heap of rust for sale doesn’t correlate with its dubious glowing description of a machine needing nothing more than a bit of TLC, or the fact that the engine is scattered between several Tupperware boxes doesn’t necessarily constitute an ‘easy DIY repair’. Other adverts can bring a smile to the face of the people who know the seller is trying to big up their merchandise like a street trader hustling items from a suitcase, making it sound like it’s a once in a life-time opportunity, which it rarely is. Conversely, some rare or unusual machines have passed under the radar, sadly their sales description letting down the unknowing seller from getting a better price or a potential buyer missing out on finding that desired machine.

My favourite online auction machinery description to justify the potential that a machine is still in working order is: “Was working when last used”. Quite frankly, I hope it was working when last used! I often wonder if the rest of the selling statement could be ‘…but not working now’ or possibly ‘…but we cannot get it to start/run/move since it’s been sitting in the shed for thirty years’, which rather puts a damper on the auction.

There’s a huge range of machines out there – but will they run and work as intended once they’ve been brought home?

In this Northern household we take the view that anything with a petrol engine isn’t going to run when purchased, accordingly “Was working when last used” is taken with a pinch of salt. If it does run then it’s a complete bonus and we celebrate by taking the whippet for a pint down’t pub.

I’ve also been dismayed when clicking on a garden tractor advert that’s still at its 99p starting bid only to find that the seller is actually selling the machine for spares. Acting like Arthur Daley of the mower world the seller cunningly announces one is bidding “for a wheel nut only”. I’m always tempted to ask to buy all the wheel nuts, thus hopefully leaving the buyer with a wheel-less and immovable machine in the middle of his garage floor that he can fall over for the foreseeable future.

Having a machine that is moveable is pretty important. It reminds me of a trip one spring to somewhere south of a great metropolis to collect a non-running garden tractor that turned out to also have a couple of flat tyres. Google Street View did a tragically poor job of warning us of the front-garden-cum-municipal-tip-devastation we had to extract the tractor from. We knew we were in trouble when even the owner went out for the day and left us to sort it out for ourselves. A challenge wading through a sea of pizza boxes, beer cans and half a scrap yard, including the ubiquitous car up on bricks and a safe with the door jemmied open, and all at the front of a semi-detached house. I’m told it’s called character building but I’d call it unfortunate; yet we did rescue a tractor and that means it’s another guilt-free purchase.  

The tractor we rescued had one additional label, it was that of an auction. Over the years we have had a few machines that have obviously been bought for tuppence at a local sale and then put online in the hope of bagging a magnificent profit. I’m all for enterprise and if people can find a bargain then sell it on for a profit then good for them and I wish them every success. It’s possible that many machines that are now in collectors hands may have been sourced from agricultural sales, house clearances or free-ads before filtering down through online auctions. I wonder how many machines and tools have been saved from the scrap man because they ended up on online auctions, their last chance of rescue before being dismembered or going to the crusher?

Perhaps collecting hand tools would be an easier option?

But this collecting lark is not without perils. If you are into collecting hand tools with no moving parts then you are very sensible and on to a winner, probably spotting all the bargains I blindly overlook. The most problematic that simple hand tools can get is rust, broken welds or woodworm. However, if any collectable has an engine, gearbox or anything of mechanical importance to the machine actually working as intended, then the money can start flowing and all hopes of saving up for that holiday in the Maldives vanishes. Who needs a foreign holiday anyway? Hours wasted whilst sat idly at an airport when instead one could be back at home trying to source no-longer-available parts for a knackered Tecumseh engine!

Of course the machines we collect are getting older and for some the original spares are getting rarer and some aftermarket reproduction parts can be a potential gamble. Sometimes this can mean turning to the lucky dip put forth by the internet and sticking our oily hands into the digital bran barrel of parts that may or may not fit. I’ve found that cross-referencing part numbers between different machines and manufacturers is a skill, it’s almost an art form; I’m getting good at it.

Once parts have been identified and ordered it’s at this point that doubt could set in, especially if the confirmation email says that the parts aren’t located in the UK after all, the website plainly lied. Imagine if Google Street View comes up trumps this time and, with glee, informs the buyer that indeed the heavy crankshaft for the twin cylinder engine isn’t coming from a seller in a picturesque Cotswold village, instead it’s coming from a bedsit in a backstreet in China that looks scary even in daylight. Will the purchase turn up? Estimated delivery time: Eventually. Plus the frightening thought of import duty and VAT. But that’s a story for another day.